I’ve had one of those mornings that should really be written off so that I can start all over again. Firstly lack of sleep again last night meant I awoke like a zombie at 6am as I couldn’t bear to lie awake in frustration any longer. I decided to go and bake some cakes however my car barely made it to the petrol station for lack of fuel (because of lack of funds). Then my card was declined (because of lack of funds). Once I got to work, it began to pour with rain so I got drenched getting out of my car. My knee gave way and I sank into a puddle and now I’m pretty sure my left hip has crumbled in the same way my right one did earlier this year. It’s only 9am.
Fan bloody tastic. I know I have said this before but I really don’t have time for a collapsed hip now. I am just starting to get my life back together following my hip replacement surgery in July. To have another replacement, which is undoubtedly the only way forward, would simply be too much to bear. I was hoping to make some decent money from my business over the Xmas period as I am running a stall at a local market (all very festive) and this requires a lot of work and preparation (which isn’t going to be easy with a broken hip).
Having to tell my partner that things have ‘hit the fan’ once again is unbearable. I think we have had enough to deal with so far this year. Why do we keep getting dealt this crappy hand? I want to scream. Of course, it could just be a bad day hip wise, but I have the familiar feeling in my hip that I had before in my right one after it collapsed. If it is the case, I am going to have to grin and bear it for the next few months at least because I need part time work, need to grow my business alongside it, and I have lots to do and focus on. Six weeks recovery at home after surgery is not an option and I am running out of patience and the ability to ask for help. If I am sick of it, no doubt those closest to me are too.
I was really looking forward to Christmas this year. The past couple of years haven’t been so perfect, because of one thing or another, but this Christmas was supposed to be the start of good things for 2012. I want to start thinking about the future, having a family, buying a house and settling into life as an adult. I don’t want to be held back by yet another broken part of me that needs fixing. Why aren’t things ever simple?!
I could really do with someone to talk to right now, a shoulder to cry on. Everything is getting to me and I am sick, so very sick, of being kicked when I am down. Hate to depress you with this rather sombre post, but I know a lot of you will relate to this feeling of being overwhelmed by bad luck. What’s worse is that I actually have something to look forward to this week, a night out with my friends which will be the first in a very long time. I was feeling excited about letting my hair down, catching up with my good friends and generally enjoying myself (and wearing heels). But this seems more and more unlikely as the pain increases in my hip each hour. I will still go, of course, as I hate to let people down but I know I won’t be able to fully enjoy myself because of the sodding pain. And did I mention how much I wanted to wear heels?! My outfit simply won’t work without them so I am taking the approach of no pain, no gain and I will deal with the aftermath on Sunday.
I am constantly reminding people that this is just life and there will be bumps in the road. Things will get better I know, but I wish I could take some of my own advice right now. I am not feeling so positive about the future as ‘hip gate-part 2’ creeps up on me. I will snap myself out of this low point in time (hopefully sooner rather than later as no one wants to be around the girl with a face like a slapped arse). Words of wisdom welcome.