Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Hip Gate - Part 2

I’ve had one of those mornings that should really be written off so that I can start all over again. Firstly lack of sleep again last night meant I awoke like a zombie at 6am as I couldn’t bear to lie awake in frustration any longer. I decided to go and bake some cakes however my car barely made it to the petrol station for lack of fuel (because of lack of funds). Then my card was declined (because of lack of funds). Once I got to work, it began to pour with rain so I got drenched getting out of my car. My knee gave way and I sank into a puddle and now I’m pretty sure my left hip has crumbled in the same way my right one did earlier this year. It’s only 9am.
Fan bloody tastic. I know I have said this before but I really don’t have time for a collapsed hip now. I am just starting to get my life back together following my hip replacement surgery in July. To have another replacement, which is undoubtedly the only way forward, would simply be too much to bear. I was hoping to make some decent money from my business over the Xmas period as I am running a stall at a local market (all very festive) and this requires a lot of work and preparation (which isn’t going to be easy with a broken hip).
Having to tell my partner that things have ‘hit the fan’ once again is unbearable. I think we have had enough to deal with so far this year. Why do we keep getting dealt this crappy hand? I want to scream. Of course, it could just be a bad day hip wise, but I have the familiar feeling in my hip that I had before in my right one after it collapsed. If it is the case, I am going to have to grin and bear it for the next few months at least because I need part time work, need to grow my business alongside it, and I have lots to do and focus on. Six weeks recovery at home after surgery is not an option and I am running out of patience and the ability to ask for help. If I am sick of it, no doubt those closest to me are too.
I was really looking forward to Christmas this year. The past couple of years haven’t been so perfect, because of one thing or another, but this Christmas was supposed to be the start of good things for 2012. I want to start thinking about the future, having a family, buying a house and settling into life as an adult. I don’t want to be held back by yet another broken part of me that needs fixing. Why aren’t things ever simple?!
I could really do with someone to talk to right now, a shoulder to cry on. Everything is getting to me and I am sick, so very sick, of being kicked when I am down. Hate to depress you with this rather sombre post, but I know a lot of you will relate to this feeling of being overwhelmed by bad luck. What’s worse is that I actually have something to look forward to this week, a night out with my friends which will be the first in a very long time. I was feeling excited about letting my hair down, catching up with my good friends and generally enjoying myself (and wearing heels). But this seems more and more unlikely as the pain increases in my hip each hour. I will still go, of course, as I hate to let people down but I know I won’t be able to fully enjoy myself because of the sodding pain. And did I mention how much I wanted to wear heels?! My outfit simply won’t work without them so I am taking the approach of no pain, no gain and I will deal with the aftermath on Sunday.
I am constantly reminding people that this is just life and there will be bumps in the road. Things will get better I know, but I wish I could take some of my own advice right now. I am not feeling so positive about the future as ‘hip gate-part 2’ creeps up on me. I will snap myself out of this low point in time (hopefully sooner rather than later as no one wants to be around the girl with a face like a slapped arse). Words of wisdom welcome.


  1. Hey!

    I am a mum of a teen with Arthritis, She gets down too but we havent had this experience. all I can offer is a gentle hug and an ear, always about if you need someone to listen to... gentle hugs and cuddles xx


  2. I know this sounds kinda wrong, but I just hope you are having a bad day :( Sending you big hugs x

  3. I really do feel for you and don't blame you one little bit for feeling so bad. It's difficult to know what to say and to advise, but I personally believe you have to allow yourself this time and try and move on in a few days. When you have lots of bad luck in many ways(I at age 50 could write the book on it!)and you get lots of pain and medical problems, it's really hard to take, especially when you are an active, generally positive person. Try to talk it over with your loved ones, maybe in a day or two and hope that the right decision will come to you? I completely understand about not wanting to have another hip operation, I had one done just over 2 years ago and they think I'll probably have to have the other one replaced(unsure when)but I can't face that recovery time and I ended up on 2 crutches, which I wasn't expecting and found the whole thing so horrible. Do try to go on your night out if you can as though I understand your concerns, you hopefully will feel better for it and it gives you something positive and good to focus on, however briefly. Take care.

  4. Hey Rheuma Girl. Sorry you're going through such a rough time. I can relate, as the past couple years have been one horrible thing after another for me - that's not counting the arthritis! I recently started to see a counselor to work through some things with my husband (or so I thought) and it has been more help than I imagined. She's really helping me get through some issues relating to arthritis that I had bottled up since I was a child with arthritic hips, etc. Wish I'd done it years ago! Most important, she told me I have every right to complain because sometimes things are just rotten. I think it feels good just to admit it. And it turns out, she has rheumatoid arthritis (purely coincidental!). But if you'd ever thought about talking things out when they become so overwhelming, I highly recommend counseling. It can help relieve some of the stress that is so detrimental to us. By the way, I can relate to the shoe issues, as my wardrobe sadly has changed over the years to accommodate my 'orthopedic shoes'! Not very nice with the party season upon us, is it? I hope things go well for you soon! ~Mimi

  5. Ah hon, I don't have the same illness as you but I want to give you a great big hug. Life is kicking the crap out of me at the moment, but for different reasons. It feels like naff all compared to what you're going through.

    There are a couple of quotes I fall back on. One from Harvey Dent from Batman - 'The night is darkest before the dawn, and I promise you the dawn is coming.' Well, sometimes it needs to bloody well hurry up.

    The other quote is from Lance Armstrong - 'Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.'

    Feel free to tell me to poke my 'inspirational' quotes where the sun doesn't shine if they don't help!

    I long ago gave up wondering why I'd been singled out for a life of crap and pain, except maybe to make me appreciate the good stuff and good people when I'm able. Life chews up and spits out better people than me, so the question changes from 'Why me?' to 'Why not me?'

    I'll finish off by saying I hope your pain abates so you can have a good night out and lift your spirits x x

  6. Hiyah darling,

    (I've already written this out twice, and both occasions the website crashed.. arghhh!!) So please excuse my very shortened version now cos I'm so frustrated I can't even remember what I first said bleurghh..

    Anyways.. I am a regular visitor to your blog but have never commented before and for that I'm sorry, but I have been here secretly willing you on..

    From a fellow RA sufferer (have had it since a few months and now 23) I want to praise you for your strength and positivity, yes you may think otherwise BUT I can't think of anyone that has gone through what you have and can still have time to laugh about it, let alone write so personally and from the heart!

    You, my girl are an inspiration. I have days of pure aches/pains/fatigue but am one of the lucky ones who, majority of the time, can go around and almost pretend I am "normal".

    I have severe ups and downs and keep fighting to break down those walls that keep stubbornly getting in my way, but unfortunately it's life.. and what doesn't break us makes us stronger!! I almost feel sorry for those that can swan around doing what they like when they like because they never fully appreciate the good times, like we can when we get those once in a while!!

    Please please stay strong and keep fighting because I truly believe it will come back positive on you two fold!!
    So from one cupcaker, to another, keep smiling beccuse you're beautiful!!! And yes you bloody will get out those sexy heels on and parade in them because you won't and can't let RA rule you!

    Ps. if you ever need to chat/rant/bitch/just bleurghhhh at someone I'M HERE!!!

    Nadine xxxxxx (nwebster1@hotmail.co.uk)

  7. Hey, I just wondered how you've been over the weekend. You've coped brilliantly before with awful stuff and I am sure you can do it again if it comes to it. Thinking of you x

  8. No words of wisdom but I am so sorry for your pain of late. I just found your blog through Sunshine and Lollypops on Facebook... and so glad I did! I am in close to the same emotional state as you, though not quite as bad off physically yet.
    Don't ever be sorry for the somber posts... this is life, our life, and we are all on this bumpy road together. It helps me to read things like this and know I am not alone in my battle, though I feel bad for all who know the same struggles.
    Please, keep pouring your heart out to us all. Thank you for your honesty.

  9. I am sorry to hear about your condition and I truly find your blog inspiring. Thank you for sharing.