Feeling quite positive at the moment. For starters my recovery post op is going really well, actually feeling myself again. I have been using my time stuck indoors, for lack of being able to drive, effectively by looking at my life and how I can improve my situation. I needed a project... so I’ve decided to expand my business and return to working relatively normal hours. Still not quite full time, but as I work for myself I can fit it around my condition and still have a career. I am really excited about it actually. I can’t say too much at the moment, as there are a few selfish and unsupportive people out there who are just out to ruin things for me and make it difficult to succeed, but it’s great news and means a new location to work from, new people and hopefully plenty of customers. So the summer is looking busy, and exciting.
I know I can handle the increased pressure and working a few more hours because I only have myself to let down if a bad day or week occurs. Answering to employers again just seems far too daunting, but as I get more involved and used to working longer hours I am sure it won’t seem as bad as expected. Frankly, I am sick of living on benefits, sick of relying on others and need to do this for myself.
I need to make something of myself and now the hip ops are out the way hopefully I can focus on what I really want from life, a healthy balance of work, rest and play (of course!)
I miss having structure to my day, I know those of you who cannot work will understand this. The novelty of having so much free time soon wears off and you find it difficult to know what to do with yourself. Having a reason to get up in the morning brings me determination and a purpose which is so important to your mental health too.
I know that my family and friends are fully behind me and support me and will be there when i need them so I can go into this with a little army of helpers. Knowing I can run things my way and in a relaxed manner is a great feeling.
In terms of my personal life, my sister leaves today safe in the knowledge I can take care of myself again after she has been an amazing help after my operation. I will be really sad to see her go as its been lovely having the company but this is another reason I need to get back out there and not sit at home alone pondering. I have a certain someone who’s a little bit special to thank for the smile on my face too... early days and let’s just say its fun and refreshing to be around someone who appreciates spending time with you and makes you smile even when they aren’t around. I didn’t realise how much I missed that and how much I have relied on myself in the past for happiness. Trusting someone is hard, but I am willing to try and enjoy myself in the process for a little while...
So here’s to a fresh start and new projects... It’s going to be a busy day.