The Point Is...?

I know that there are many people reading this whose lives, for one reason or another, have not turned out the way they planned. RA could be the reason, or a contributor, to why you think you’re not where you’re supposed to be. For example, I remember the day I left college and thinking that the world was my oyster. I was going to uni, to study fashion (which I loved) and I had it all set in my head I was going to meet the man of my dreams, move away from home and live in a big city where I would work in a very glamorous and well paid job. So, pretty much none of that worked out (I mean I did meet the man of my dreams but he’s not around anymore). However I do think that this is maybe where I was supposed to be all along. I am content, perhaps a little lonely but have the comfort of friends and family close by and far away, and I am doing something I thoroughly enjoy. OK so it’s not fashion as such, but it is creative and it’s a something to call my own. Something I have built from scratch and can be proud of, so maybe that’s all I really wanted all along. I may not be earning mega bucks, far from it, but there is still time!

My point is, at one time probably early on in life we all make our plans, map out our dreams and how we are going to get there and expect things to go our way. Unfortunately, as we grow older, we find out that things don’t always go our way because, well just because life is unfair sometimes. Things happen along the way which change our minds, change our ideas of happiness and determine our paths. Whether these are good things like getting a new job or starting a new relationship or not so good things like illness and break ups, they all make us who we are today and what we will be in the future. A few people have said to me in the past how awful things must have been for me or they have complained they are not doing what they wanted too but I don’t agree with this. I have been through crappy things yes, but the outcome is that I feel I am a better person and I have learnt things about life and compassion that I probably never would have if my life had have gone the way I wanted it to. If you are not living your dream, find a new one... It obviously wasn’t your dream all along just an idea of what you thought would make you happy when the reality is life is what you make it. If you want to be happy, go out there and grab some happiness. I know it’s not easy for us all and it may take longer than others, but I made a pact with myself when I was at my lowest of low that as soon as I was able to, I would do something worthwhile with my time, something I enjoyed and something that made me truly happy. It took a while to get there, but the determination to get better so that I could at least try to fulfil some of those ambitions got me through.

A life has to have high and low points, that’s why it’s called living. Experiencing all these things is forming the people we are and who we are supposed to be, or perhaps we are not supposed to be anything at all. It could be as simple as we are who we are right now and all of our aspirations just get us through the day? Anyway, life is a pickle and I hate to get all philosophical on you, it’s just a lot of things have happened to me personally and to those I love lately that I just didn’t expect, and neither did they. It got me thinking about advice I could give them and myself about why these things happen. How are you supposed to make sense of something that is devastating and changes your whole life, seemingly for the worse? Well this is the only thing my little mind could come up with... maybe what you thought was meant to be wasn’t right in the first place and these moments and how you come through them will ultimately define your future and lead to something better where you are happier than you ever imagined. Well... that’s just my theory anyway.

Happy Thoughts

Feeling quite positive at the moment. For starters my recovery post op is going really well, actually feeling myself again. I have been using my time stuck indoors, for lack of being able to drive, effectively by looking at my life and how I can improve my situation. I needed a project... so I’ve decided to expand my business and return to working relatively normal hours. Still not quite full time, but as I work for myself I can fit it around my condition and still have a career. I am really excited about it actually. I can’t say too much at the moment, as there are a few selfish and unsupportive people out there who are just out to ruin things for me and make it difficult to succeed, but it’s great news and means a new location to work from, new people and hopefully plenty of customers. So the summer is looking busy, and exciting.

I know I can handle the increased pressure and working a few more hours because I only have myself to let down if a bad day or week occurs. Answering to employers again just seems far too daunting, but as I get more involved and used to working longer hours I am sure it won’t seem as bad as expected. Frankly, I am sick of living on benefits, sick of relying on others and need to do this for myself.

I need to make something of myself and now the hip ops are out the way hopefully I can focus on what I really want from life, a healthy balance of work, rest and play (of course!)

I miss having structure to my day, I know those of you who cannot work will understand this. The novelty of having so much free time soon wears off and you find it difficult to know what to do with yourself. Having a reason to get up in the morning brings me determination and a purpose which is so important to your mental health too.

I know that my family and friends are fully behind me and support me and will be there when i need them so I can go into this with a little army of helpers. Knowing I can run things my way and in a relaxed manner is a great feeling.

In terms of my personal life, my sister leaves today safe in the knowledge I can take care of myself again after she has been an amazing help after my operation. I will be really sad to see her go as its been lovely having the company but this is another reason I need to get back out there and not sit at home alone pondering. I have a certain someone who’s a little bit special to thank for the smile on my face too... early days and let’s just say its fun and refreshing to be around someone who appreciates spending time with you and makes you smile even when they aren’t around. I didn’t realise how much I missed that and how much I have relied on myself in the past for happiness. Trusting someone is hard, but I am willing to try and enjoy myself in the process for a little while...

(Cheeky smile)

So here’s to a fresh start and new projects... It’s going to be a busy day.