Complete Madness

I can’t describe the pain and stiffness that comes the morning after redecorating. Yesterday, I painted some walls and this morning is hell. It’s funny because I’m getting pain in muscles and joints that I didn’t even know were there. I know redecorating is quite a difficult task for even a ‘normal’ person but I didn’t realise it would be so bad. I am reluctant to paint the ceiling as I don’t know if my arms will be stuck above my head.

I have taken on a daunting challenge to further my new business. I guess after 2 years of not working I’m trying to cram as much work as possible into the time that I am well. It’s amazing how much pent up energy and enthusiasm I have for work. I have utterly hated sitting around waiting to get better and not being able to have any structure that work brings to your life. I know many people would rather not work and live a life of leisure but it’s certainly not for me. I can’t and won’t do it anymore (not that my life was really full of leisure the last few years anyway). Achieving little goals is perfection for me. It makes me happy when I complete a task, even if I am in pain afterwards.

With the help of family and friends I am opening a little kitchen where I can bake my cakes. Preparing the unit for customers has given me that drive I desperately needed all this time. I am excited about the future and hopeful now I know I can achieve anything with support and some painkillers.

People may say I am mad, or can’t be that ill if I am doing all this but to be honest, I don’t care. I have lived my life in the shadow of other people’s successes for far too long to sit back and accept that I can’t do anything without even trying. I don’t want to be the girl with RA. I would rather be known as the girl who runs her own business and is very successful despite having RA. Isn’t that a better person to be? I know myself well enough to realise when I must rest, take more meds and generally slow down (although I don’t often take my advice).

I will push myself to the limits of what I can do because happiness to me is complete madness. A busy life means I don’t have time to sit around and think about the sadness that has haunted my life recently or the possibility that things will get worse in the future. I take one day at a time and that’s the only preparation you can really have for life with RA. I often receive emails asking how I do what I do, but there isn’t really an answer. You just do it... pick yourself up and get on with it as best you can and I strongly believe we are all capable of that.

That ceiling is really bothering me though... I know I shouldn’t do it but I can’t help starring at it and thinking if I just do a bit...