I Want Candy!

My decision to get a bit fitter and healthier in 2011 is proving harder than I thought. I decided to try and loose a few of my wobbly bits that have presented themselves since I was put on steroids and treated for malnutrition. I decided to try and loose a stone, which some of you may think is mad because I am at a healthy weight now, but the majority of this extra stone can come off my hamster face if it wants. Initially eating healthier is not that big of a challenge, I just wanted to make sure I replaced crisps, chocolate, cake and chips with things called apples and salad. Simple huh? Well the thing is my body thinks it’s now in a constant state of starvation because of the appetite increase the steroids have kindly given me. I am not starving, I am eating well, but if I don’t eat every five minutes the steroids crave sweets and all things calorific.

The exercise is also proving difficult. I was fairly fit before my diagnosis; trips to the gym occasionally and generally being very active kept me in tip top form. However, not only do I have to endure the physical challenge of exercise but I now have to endure the painful aftermath with swollen, agitated joints and achy muscles. For a normal person, you can expect to feel a little sore after a good session in the gym. But I am not having gym sessions, just walks, about twenty minutes on a static bike and a few of the wii fit games. It’s hardly asking my body for much, but it thinks I’m training for a marathon or something. So when it comes to doing a little exercise the day after, it’s kind of off putting because of the pain.

I am frustrated. I want to just do a little exercise for crying out loud without feeling like I’m climbing Everest! All I think about is cake and sweets and sleep and kebabs (well not so much kebabs but you get the point!)

On top of my trials and tribulations in the world of fitness, I have made the decision to start looking for work. I think I am mentally ready to return to employment after nearly two years out of the game. The decision is based on sheer boredom, frustration of living on the poverty line that is measly benefits and mainly the fact I need a new challenge. I need focus and goals and I believe employment will give me that drive I desperately miss from the workplace.

Here comes the moaning again.... Finding a job is a ridiculously hard process. I had forgotten just how hard it is to bang out CV’s and cover letters, scour the millions of advertised jobs on the internet and then find something I actually want to do. The problem is I am looking for part time work, I don’t think I am capable of full time just yet (I don’t want to run before I can walk). The only part time jobs that are out there are in cleaning (which I can’t physically do), bar or waitressing work (which I can’t physically do) or telesales (which I can’t physically stand). So my idea is to send out speculative letters (or begging letters as I like to call them), pleading with companies that I would like to work for to consider me for any jobs that come up or create a role for me based on my ‘excellent’ experience. (One can only hope). It will be interesting to see how employers respond to the fact I left employment in 2009. Inevitably they will question the gaps in my CV and then I will have to discuss my disability. While employers have the right to know about my physical health, I wouldn’t be asking for the job if I thought my condition meant I couldn’t physically do the job. So now I enter the world of potential discrimination because of my condition. I will be waiting for the phone to ring and offer me £100,000 for sixteen hours a week in a fantastic and friendly company that will let me go to doctors appointments and have time off as and when needed.... Hmmm.... somehow I don’t think it’s going to happen but I’ll keep my mangled arthritic fingers crossed!