Silent Night

 A good night’s sleep is vital for anyone to feel human. Since a really low point last year my sleep is often disrupted. This can be for many reasons... pain is a major one (I can wake up in the middle of the night feeling in agony for no reason) and having things on my mind is another. Its often the case that if you are feeling a bit stressed you always seem to worry about things at bed time, when there is nothing you can do about. I am one of those people who do this. I overthink things and toss and turn all night until I’ve solved the problem in my head.

 Sleep is a luxury I am extremely fond of, whether it be night or day. I have got into the pattern of waking around 6am every day when my body can’t stay still anymore. It’s really frustrating because at that time you can’t really do anything apart from drink tea and watch the news. But by 10am I am shattered again and want to go back to sleep! What is that about?! My body clock is all off and I need to get it in check. I spend most of the day feeling exhausted but I get through it and then as I curl up in bed it’s like a light bulb goes off in my head and I’m wide awake. How bloody annoying. The thing is on those nights I find it quite calming and peaceful to sit and write, scour the internet or read. It’s strange that late at night I don’t feel alone in my sleepless frustration. I feel comforted that my family are all tucked up in bed and as the painkillers kick in and sleep drifts into my mind I am incredibly relaxed.

It’s a shame I don’t feel so comforted in the day time when I am exhausted. Then I feel alone and awkward, not really knowing what to do with myself and I am often without company as my family and friends are out working. I look forward to the calm, silent nights where my thoughts seem to make sense and I am allowed to drift in and out of sleep (which seems like a crime during the day).

Maybe I am becoming nocturnal or something, God forbid. I don’t want to get into the habit of sleep during the day because it will be incredibly hard to break this habit when returning to work. Or maybe I could do nightshifts!

Good news I have received today is that my anaemia has subsided and I can dismiss two tablets from my daily collection. However, disease activity is still high and my Methotrexate injection dosage is going to be increased. My hamster face will also be sticking around as I have to stay on the steroids for a few more months and gradually reduce them (hopefully my swollen face and chunk of a body will reduce too ;)

Sweet Dreams